Marcado: Ever since I lost her, I knew she was for me.
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28 de janeiro de 2022 às 05:09 #644102
Ever since I lost her, I knew she was for me.
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[IMG]https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/hombre-triste-frente-al-mar.jpeg[/IMG].
Days, weeks, months go by… I meet more people who mark my path. People who influence in a positive way both in my self-knowledge and in the knowledge of everything that surrounds me. However, I am unable to forget that smile. A smile engraved in my mind.
Destiny, circumstances, karma or who knows what did not want anything to happen between us. One day we said goodbye. A goodbye that meant a rupture of part of my soul, of my heart. Since I lost her, I knew she was for me.
Despite being different, despite having opposite concerns, there was an unbreakable bond. A connection difficult to explain with words, simply ineffable. Why do such connections happen? Why are you unable to disappear from my mind? Since I lost her, she began to be with me in every moment, in every song, in every walk, in every memory…..
SerendipityLord Horace Walpole (1717-1797), Earl of Oxford, defined the concept serendipity as ‘lucky find’. A. Agostini (2005) as ‘finding something valuable while looking for something else, discovering something appreciable by chance, performing by chance an act of sagacity’. And for J.A. Coppo (2012) serendipity is the ‘art of finding something unsought’. And that is what happened to us.
It all started a few years ago. At the beginning of March. A friend of mine was in charge of leading a guided tour of the city, but an unforeseen event prevented her from doing so and she asked me for the favor. My job was to show the most emblematic places of the city to a group of strangers.
The visit had to be short. We couldn’t beat around the bush or dawdle too much. I arrived at the meeting place and there they all were, waiting for someone to show them the most beautiful corners of the city in just a few hours.
At the end of the visit, many of the members asked me questions, eager to know more about the place. I tried to answer as accurately as I could. With those who wanted to go a little deeper, we exchanged phone numbers and e-mails for future questions.
Ghosts and fearsSeveral of those people contacted me. Their concerns revolved around the mysterious stories I told them about the place. However, with one of those people, the conversations became longer and longer. Somehow, without looking for it, we realized that we were talking on a daily basis. We felt the need to know about each other.
Such was the connection that we decided to meet on several occasions. Each of us, with our own stories, connected to such an extent that we felt inseparable. Despite this, at no point did we ever get closer than a hug, but the gazes were so intense, not even the sunlight could darken them.
“I can write the saddest verses tonight.To think that I don’t have her. To feel that I have lost her.To hear the night immense, more immense without her.And the verse falls to the soul as to the grass the dew. What does it matter that my love could not keep her.the night is starry and she is not with me.”
-Pablo Neruda
Our ghosts, our fears and our indecisions caused that fire to lose its intensity little by little. A force that was really only hidden by our egos and our pride, because the flames of passion were still more alive than ever.
Nevertheless, I tried to smile in the face of adversity. As Gabriel GarcГa MГЎrquez wrote, “never stop smiling, not even when you are sad, because you never know who might fall in love with your smile”.
We were meant for each otherWhen I saw her, I knew we were meant for each other, but since I lost her I knew she was meant for me and I was meant for her. However, in this case, being for each other went beyond a sense of possession. Beyond obsession or clinging. It went into the realm of bonding understood only from experience. A bond that, in spite, of anger, tensions and disagreements remained unbreakable. Was it about the famous red thread?
“So short is love, and so long is oblivion.”
-Pablo Neruda
But what is the red thread? It is said to be an invisible thread that connects despite distance and time. A thread that establishes a connection between two people who are destined to meet and that no matter what happens, it will remain there, unalterable.
Could she be the one on the other side of the thread? I often wonder if it was true love that we came to feel and if this red thread has been woven so that our lives would sooner or later come together. Since I lost her, the red thread has only tightened and loosened, although at one point, it seemed to break forever.
Since I lost herSince we stopped knowing about each other, I know that there is not a day that goes by that we are not in each other’s memories. Of course, we have created a certain aversion for our ill-advised actions.
Actually, and without meaning to be accusatory, I think you have been wrong on many occasions. So have I. However, your mistakes have undermined what could have been a dream. And, in spite of that, I can’t get you out of my mind. I have forgiven you mistakes that have pierced my soul.
Your game has never been clean, riddled with lies and concealment. My game has been based on my own fear. Our way of operating has not been correct. You waited for me and I did not come. I asked you for signs of complicity and they did not come.
You put me against a rock and a hard place. And in spite of that, the thread still hasn’t broken. Some days the knot of the thread squeezes my finger less, but sometimes it cuts off my circulation and I feel short of breath.
Since I lost her I knew that the hue of my life would become darker. When we said our last goodbye to each other, I felt that something had died inside me. I became aware that there are people who come to stay and not to leave, and even less, through suffering.
You came to stay. I came to stay. But nothing happened as we expected. Because maybe it wasn’t the moment, maybe it wasn’t the circumstances. Why did everything get so complicated? We just wanted to give each other a hug and melt into one body?
You might be interested in…Thank you for making me believe in the magic of connection…
Sometimes life gives us the opportunity to experience firsthand the magic of connection, that kind of magic between two people.
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