Cortisol, the stress hormone

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п»ї<title>That you care who contributes to you</title>
[IMG]https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/que-te-importe-quien-te-aporte-2.jpg[/IMG].
“Who cares who brings you in.” This expression may sound a bit drastic to you. First of all, we should define what is meant by the concept of personal contribution. We are contributed by all those who are sincere in their actions, voice and will. Human relationships, far from being an exchange based on “you give me, I give you”, is something that goes beyond any material good.
We are talking about emotions, and especially about positive emotions that favor our personal growth with the exchange of experiences and small moments that raise entire universes.
We live in a complex society often loaded with personal interests and individualism. Everyday life is often governed by competitiveness, and even by the desire for possession. There are those who yearn to control their partners for fear of losing them, parents who overprotect their children, friends who dominate their friends for fear of loneliness, for fear of losing an unconditional and daily support.
In many of our interpersonal relationships there is a sibylline selfishness that we are aware of and yet we put up with. What can we do in these situations? What is the most effective way to act? That you care about who contributes to you…
There has come a time in my life when I practice “people economics”. I include in my day-to-day life anyone who brings richness to my days, value to my dreams and profit to my heart.
Learning to build positive relationships
We are very clear that it is not just about getting away from all those “who do not bring us anything”. Real life is not like social networks, where there is the option to “remove or delete friends”. It is a matter of giving more or less importance…
It is very possible that a relative of yours, far from enriching your life, fills it with discomfort. Or you may have a somewhat negative, defeatist and critical co-worker. We cannot erase them from our daily life.
It is simply a matter of not giving them the importance they deserve. Avoid being affected by their actions or words, as long as they do not cross the limit of your emotional or psychological integrity, in which case, distance would be more appropriate.
Now then, before this type of personalities where their toxicity does not leave the critical zone, the best thing is not to give them power: neither in your life nor in your thoughts. Set limits. Because if you do, if you allow them to affect you, you will accumulate a very dangerous physical and emotional stress.
Although in many occasions it is not possible to control who enters and who leaves our lives, you do have the capacity and the responsibility to decide who stays in your heart.
The key to this permissiveness, to this way of making you care about who you care about, is to build positive relationships. Here are the basic pillars:
1. Build healthy attachmentsIn our space we talk to you very often about the importance of “avoiding attachments”. Well, the essence lies in knowing how to differentiate the attachments that cause us suffering from those healthy attachments, where growth bonds are built.
We must favor attachments based on trust and not on anxiety, that is, on the fear of being abandoned or betrayed. It is vital that there is harmony based on maturity and mutual respect.
2. Know how to satisfy basic needsTo deny that we all have needs is to put a blindfold on ourselves. For someone to really matter to us, there must be an adequate exchange of personal gains:
Mutual respect and the assurance that we will not be punished, judged or rejected for expressing our thoughts. This feeling is the one that usually appears especially at the family level, when we know that our opinions or actions will not be respected.
Daily signs of affection: it is that feeling of complicity that we enjoy with our friends, the altruistic affection of our partners… It is to offer affection freely, to wrap ourselves and let ourselves be enveloped by an integral feeling of closeness.
3. To be able to face certain problemsSometimes, when you have a problem, someone close to you, instead of giving you strategies, or simply putting themselves in your place to understand you, they reproach you for certain things. These are people who, far from helping you, make you sink even more. Try to keep your distance in these cases, and choose well who approaches you in those moments.
The essence of positive relationships is to have an internal harmony where problems, far from being obstacles, are personal opportunities to offer help, learn and further strengthen the bond.
4. Positive relationships admit the existence of mistakesIf someone in your closest context does not accept the fact that you have made certain mistakes, it will not be a healthy or emotionally secure relationship. You are always facing their “hard yardstick”, where there is no room for mistakes, where you are not given the opportunity to be better.
Avoid this type of relationships, do not mind to mark distance or even more, to deactivate the possible influence they can have on you. People make mistakes, err, assume faults and move forward to grow personally.
All those who love you just as you are, with your successes, faults, hobbies and greatness, are people who bring light to your life. Don’t lose them, hold on tight to the tail of their kites…
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